They call me Sly Slyson
by TheIntergalactic
Summary: A tale about how Arceus was born from the ashes of another universe.
1. Chapter 1

They call Me Sly Slyson

I guess I should start from the beginning. That's the most logical course of action, isn't it? But anyway, here goes nothing.

"Yo ya boy Sly Slyson bout to swallow a mid-sized millipede!" Slyler sighed. It was an ancient curse passed down from his ancestors. The males in his family were always named Slyler Slyson, and they were always soft spoken afro wearers. Whenever someone said 'Yo ya boy Sly Slyson bout to...' He had to do it. So Slyler trundled off into the woods to try and find a mid-sized millipede. It took him several hours, but finally he found a 5 inch long millipede. He brought it back to those people, and he opened his gullet and swallowed it whole.

"Yeah! Wooh! Alright Sly!" That was the cacophony of noises Slyler heard. But it was all just white noise to Sly Slyson. Nothing was more humiliating than this curse. Suddenly he snapped his head up. He heard the words

"Yo ya boy Sly Slyson bout to drink several quarts of pig blood!" Sly Slyson sighed, and went off to find the nearest slaughterhouse.

Sly Slyson walked home from school, sighing to himself. He could barely take it anymore. This terrible curse. This terrible curse. He walked in the door of his adopted parent's house, and he saw a terrible scene. He adopted parents where arguing brutally, yelling and gesturing wildly. They both turned at the same time when Sly TSlson walked into the house. He looked shocked and confused.

"Why are you guys fighting?" He said in his soft spoken voice of his. His adopted father, Hathan Narr, snapped his head over to Sly.

"Slyler! What are you doing here!"

"I live here."

"GO TO YOUR ROOM THIS INSTANT!" Sly Slyson shook his head.

"I don't want you guys to fight."

"Yo ya boy Sly Slyson bout to go to his room!" Sly sighed and went to his room. He opened his door to find his older brother, Cosh Jarver, sitting on his bed.

"What's up ?"

"Don't say that word!" Their mother called up to them.

"Alright mom!" Cosh yelled. He turned back to Sly. "So what's up?"

"Not much. Had to eat a millipede, drink several quarts of freshly slaughtered pig blood, and turn into a Ford F-250. How was your day?"  
>"Alright. I got a B on a math test." His hand instinctively jerked to his book bag, which held his .38 special. He stopped himself just in time, however, and shook his head. "Anyway, I got to go do homework." He got up to leave, and as he turned, Sly saw the fresh bandages on the back of his skull. Sly shook his head. Sly sat down in his chair, contemplating life. He got out his AP Physics textbook, and tried to study. His parents stopped arguing, and that was a good sign.<p>

He had just finished his essay on neutrinos, when he heard Cosh shout

"The FUCK is the answer!" And then a loud bang. A few seconds later, Cosh stumbled into Sly's room, with his lower jaw in a mess. He gurgled something, which was enough incentive to get Sly to use his energy powers to heal Cosh's jaw. When his jaw was back to normal, Sly admonished him

"You gotta stop shooting yourself whenever something happens ever. It's a crutch."

"I know. I'm trying to stop. It's just so easy, ya know?"

"No."

"Kids! Dinner time!" They walked downstairs, wondering what the fuck they were going to eat tonight. Their mother, with her shockingly white hair, served up some steaming pile of shit on their fathers plate. She smiled up at the kids as they sat down to eat. She slopped some pile of dog crap or whatever the hell they were going to eat tonight on Slyler's plate. He sighed.

A few minutes into their dinner, while everyone was eating quietly, a flashbang burst through their window and blinded everyone. About 30 seconds later, when it wore off, everyone stopped blinking enough to see their crazy schizophrenic uncle Halker Warnden standing there, an absurd grin on his face. He pulled out a piece of paper, a pencil, and a FN Five Seven Pistol, and slammed it down in front of Sly. He said

"Yo ya boy Sly Slyson bout to divide by zero!" Sly had no choice but to pick up the pencil and start dividing by zero, but Hathan said

"Yo ya boy Sly Slyson bout to disregard that last statement!" Halker fired back by saying

"Yo ya boy Sly Slyson bout to kill his entire family!" Sly had no choice but to reach for the Five Seven. However, before he could do anything Cosh Jarver leapt up and shouted

"Not if I do it first!" He whipped out his Smith and Wesson .500 and blew his head apart. Sly Shook his head and slaughtered his adopted parents like the pigs they ARE. Not were, ARE. Yeah I'm talking to you guys! SHOUT OUT!

Anyway, Sly opened fire on his parents, wasting the 20 round magazine on the two of them. Sly then sat down and promptly proceeded to divide by zero. Keep in mind this whole time Halker Warnden was masturbating. He found it difficult but he eventually succeeded.

When Slyler Slyson divided by zero, everything suddenly went negative, and every single thing in all of the universe opened their mouths in a horrendous scream of pain and anguish, and the entire fabric of reality tore itself apart. Except for Slyler. He just floated there, in a cosmic whirlpool of nothingness, for all eternity. That is, until Arceus's egg appeared.


	2. Something Big Marv Something Big

Chapter Two

See, by this time, the Pokemon Universe had been created. So, Arceus was out doing his thing, creating Dialga and Palkia and Giratina and all that jazz, but he felt a presence. It was a strong, powerful, ancient presence, and he felt it bearing down upon him. However, he ignored said presence, and continued to work.

Arceus created Azelf Uxie and Mespirit, and gave emotion, willpower, and knowledge and all that jolly shit to every single living being. See, for some reason, all of the legendary Pokemon flocked to one planet (The one with Arceus's presence) so they could do all their jobs. About 1 in 1 million planets had life, and 1 in 1 million of those had complex life, so that's not a lot. I guess powerful Pokemon evolved on those worlds too, because of Deoxys, but all the big dawgs went to the same planet. Dawgs like Arceus and Palkia and jazz like that.

Anyhoo, to get back to the story, ya boy Sly Slyson was just drifting in the nether for an unspecified amount of time, which in relative terms was hundreds of quadrillions of years, but it all felt like a few seconds because time had disappeared and all that shit is relative... but anyway, Sly was just chilling for a little bit, then he saw the egg, and Arceus was born, and then a little bit after that, Giratina came about. See, Giratina is deity of antimatter, so it likes Chaos. He noticed Sly just floating there, so it seized Sly and dragged him in the Distortion world, after Arceus banished him and whatnot. See, Giratina thought Sly would be an easy target to let loose, track, hunt, stalk, and kill, then resurrect and do it again for all time, just cause. He was wrong.

See, Sly was smart. He decided to trick Giratina into letting him call upon his powers whenever. Sort of like every single trickster story in myths and legends. Here was the transaction.

"Ugh!" Sly grunted as Giratina threw him down. He was floating in some terrible hellish place, with everything all upside down and flipped. "A bit dreary in here, isn't it?" He asked in a lazy drawl. Giratina merely grunted, and suddenly he was in a throne room, on black marble floors, with giant stone columns and great black marble arches. The throne looked to perfectly fit Giratina, and when it sat down, it did. "What do you want with me?" Sly asked. Giratina chuckled, deep in the back of his throat. His eyes closed, and he projected inside Sly's mind a mental picture of what he intended to do to him for all eternity.

Sly simply smiled and laughed, knowing what he was going to do. He walked right up to Giratina, and pedigreed his ass SOOOOO HARD! When Giratina was lying on the floor groaning, Sly walked up to him, and USED THE FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE on his ugly ass face! WOOOOOHHHH! He then snaked his arm around Giratina's shoulder, while Giratina was lying belly down on the hard stone floor, and started getting a Half Nelson on his ass. Giratina tried to resist, but when Sly got to 90 degrees, Giratina couldn't do jack, just like Coach Amy said.

Anyway, Sly got the Half Nelson on Giratina, and like some Greek myth that I forgot the name of, he had to hold on to Giratina and pin his ass. But it took a while. Giratina was slippery, and tried to worm his way out of it, but eventually Sly got Giratina's shoulder blades to touch the floor and he got a five point pin! Go Northwood! Wooh! Charger Wrestling 4 life!

Anyway Sly overpowered Giratina and asked him for one simple wish. To be able to call upon his powers whenever he wanted. Giratina had to oblige. So, Sly didn't have to have someone say

Yo ya boy Sly Slyon bout ta...! To use his powers. he could just do it whenever. So, he teleported out of the Distortion World, and back to the normal world.


End file.
